The Pope is visiting DC and President Bush takes him out for an afternoon on the Potomac...sailing on the presidential yacht, the Sequoia. They're admiring the sights when, all of a sudden, the Pope's hat (zucchetto) blows off his head and out into the water. Secret service guys start to launch a boat, but Bush waves them off, saying "Wait, wait. I'll take care of this. Don't worry."
Bush then steps off the yacht onto the surface of the water and walks out to the Holy Father's little hat, bends over, picks it out of the water, then walks back to the yacht and climbs aboard. He hands the hat to the Pope amid stunned silence.
The next morning, the Washington Post, New York Times and the Los Angeles Times carry a story, with front page photos, of the event. The banner headline is:
"Bush Can't Swim!"
This weekend, I was asked by a guy at the store what "I Am Root" meant, (the license plate frame on my car). My first thought was, "How do I explain root to a guy who asks what root is?" My reply? "It's a computer term." Duh, I suppose I could have said, "In computer terms, it's the guy with all the power." Now I feel undeserving of the frame. Oh well, at least I've got my answer straight for the next person that asks.
In light of the April Fool's jokes I mentioned, I thought this April Fool's story would be interesting. Just shows that you have to think before you fool.
After I bought my new car, I mentioned to my wife that I wanted to get new license plate frames that didn't advertise the name of the car dealership. She decided to get me the frame you see below, one for the front, one for the back. Pretty funny. :)
My wife is a tremendous prankster. Needless to say, she lives for today. Every year, I spend the day trying to avoid her tricks. So far, she filled my car with balloons, and switched my shoe inserts with hers. I wondered why my feet were hurting this morning. And it's only 7:45 am! I'm just glad I'm at work. At least I won't have to deal with more pranks until I get home this evening. One of these years I'm going to out-prank her.
Ok, this is a little thing someone sent me supposedly by Dennis Miller. I haven't verified it, but it's actually pretty good no matter who wrote it.
"TRYING TO HELP"
By Dennis Miller
All the rhetoric on whether or not we should go to war against Iraq has got my little brain spinning like a top. I enjoy reading opinions from both sides, but I've detected a hint of confusion from some of you. Maybe this can help.
As I was reading the paper recently, I was reminded of the best advice anyone ever gave me. He told me about the "KISS" method ("Keep It Simple, Stupid!"). So with this as a theme, I'd like to apply this theory for those who don't quite get it. My hope is that we can simplify things and recognize a few important facts.
Here are ten things to consider when voicing an opinion on this important issue:
(1) Between President Bush and Saddam Hussein ... Hussein is the bad guy.
(2) If you have faith in the United Nations to do the right things, keep this in mind: the UN has Libya heading the Committee on Human Rights and Iraq heading the Global Disarmament Committee. Do your own math here.
(3) If you use a Google or Yahoo search and type in "French Military Victories," don't be surprised if your computer panics at its inability to respond to your inquiry.
(4) If your only anti-war slogan is "No War For Oil," hire a pit bull lawyer and sue your school district for having allowed you to slip through the cracks and robbing you of the minimum education that any non-troglodyte deserves
(5) You can take this one to the bank: Saddam and bin Laden will NOT seek UN approval before they try to kill us.
(6) Despite common belief among some, Martin Sheen is NOT the President. He only plays one on TV.
(7) If you are anti-war and even an outright "America Basher," to bin Laden you are still an "infidel" whom he wants dead.
(8) Be careful: if you believe in a "vast right-wing conspiracy," but not in the danger that Hussein poses, the only job you may be able to get is as an Ivy League college professor.
(9) Even multi-culturalists who try to browbeat us into believing that all cultures are equally deserving of respect have trouble explaining the past 500 years of Islam.
(10) Whether you are for or against military action, our young men and women overseas are fighting to defend our right to speak out on these issues. They deserve our unreserved support.
I hope this helps.
Good: Your wife is pregnant.
Bad: It's triplets.
Ugly: You had a vasectomy 5 years ago.
Good: Your wife is not talking to you.
Bad: She wants a divorce.
Ugly: She is a Lawyer.
Good: Your son is finally maturing.
Bad: He's involved with the woman next door.
Ugly: So are you
Good: Your son studies a lot in his room.
Bad: You find several porn movies hidden there.
Ugly: You're in them.
Good: Your hubby and you agree, no more kids.
Bad: You can't find your birth control pills.
Ugly: Your 13 year old daughter borrowed them.
Good: Your husband understands fashion.
Bad: He's a cross-dresser.
Ugly: He looks better than you.
Good: You give the "birds and bees" talk to your daughter.
Bad: She keeps interrupting.
Ugly: With corrections.
Good: The postman's early.
Bad: He's wearing fatigues and carrying a gun.
Ugly: You gave him nothing for Christmas.
Good: Your son is dating someone new.
Bad: It's another man.
Ugly: He's your best friend.
Good: Your daughter got a new job.
Bad: As a hooker
Ugly: Your coworkers are her best clients.
Way Ugly: She makes more money than you do.
As you no doubt realize, my brother and I both run blogs off the same Movable Type installation. Today, he's posted quite a few humours entries ending with a link to an article about Pepsi vs. Coke. This is good reading. Check it out.
THINGS YOU'D LOVE TO SAY AT WORK, BUT CAN'T!
